[WP]: Describe the ugliest person imaginable using only praises and compliments

She was more handsome than a barfing snail. When people looked at her they couldn't look away, and dreamed about her for weeks after, waking up screaming every night. Her hair were like an ocean, a very deep ocean with terrifying creatures underneath. She had beautiful blue eyes, a lot of them, looking kindly at each other. What can I say, that girl stole my heart. And refused to give it back until I kiss her. That was a wonderful moment I won't be able to forget for the rest of my life, no matter how hard I try.

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Chapter 2

Not published

It was happy Sunday afternoon. I was hanging with my three buddies in our usual spot when, suddenly, we were all picked up and dropped. I hit my head after the fall and that was the last thing I remembered before I woke up to pitch-blackness.

I groaned. “Hello? Anyone here?”

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Shit. Wait, wait, wait! No, don’t shit! Not here!

I clenched my teeth as the waves of pain continued. I looked around me and frantically analyzed the situation. I was standing in a crowded bus, an hour from home, with my stomach threatening to unleash a flurry of public humiliation that would haunt my life for eternity.

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Odd Thoughts #1

I have been reading xkcd, turns out that out of 28 people struck by lighting in 2012, 13 were standing under the trees. That might not be wise, but I wonder what the other 15 were doing? Were they running naked through empty fields, waving their arms, flipping off the sky and screaming "FUCK YOU, GOD!!"

I don't understand why people don't wear seatbelts. Why wouldn't they? Just to be cocky? Putting yourself in unnecessary danger is not cool, its stupid. I mean it's not like not wearing s seatbelt will score you any points with chicks.

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New Job

[WP] A secret agent has applied for a new job in order to assassinate a target. However, the agent enjoys their new job and wants to stay.

"Dammit, Johnson! Do your job!"

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[WP] You are a scavenger who has lived your entire life in a post apocalyptic wasteland. One day, you stumble onto a bunker and open it. Inside is a friendly looking old woman, who adjusts her reading glasses, brushes the dust off her apron, and says "Oh? Is it safe to go out on the surface now?"

I have been traveling these deserts alone for many decades. During all this time I didn't meet a soul. That was why I was shocked to find a 80-year-old lady sitting in a bunker.

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The truth behind the Deepdream

[WP] In the year 2030 we learn why Google's Deepdream is always seeing dogs in everything. The answer is horrifying.

....And thus our study concludes that the fundamental unit of all matter is dogs. We thought that everything was made of atoms and quarks and superstrings, but turns out that underneath it all, there are so-called microdogs. Just like combination of quarks and electrons make different kinds of atoms and elements, different combinations of dogs create different kinds of quarks. For example Up quark is made of a micro-spaniel and micro-golden-retreiver. Bottom quark is 2 micro-collies and one labradoodle, etcetera.

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The Game

[WP] You live in a small hut in mountains with insane internet speed and huge gaming rig but one day your PC breaks down and the closest repair station is 25 kilometres away and now you're forced to face the beauty of nature.

I looked around. Resolution was pretty low compared to my VR headset. Textures were bleak, and lighting was mediocre at best.

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Prompt: Skeletons are becoming sentient and bursting forth from their meatbag hosts. You feel your skeleton waking up, and try to stop it from happening; or, failing that, to reason with it.

Ever since my bone marrow became sentient, my live got a little crazy.

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“Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?” My classmate Bob, sitting next to me, asks.

My stomach lurches at the question. I freeze in my seat, perfectly still. Maybe I could pretend I didn’t hear his question, and he’ll just ask someone else.

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Monkey Force

Prompt: You are forced under your will to rob a bank with only an airsoft pistol, a satchel full of bananas, and the world's greatest monkey task force.

I took an airsoft pistol, and went to the bank.

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