Evil Day


[WP] When he turned on the faucet this morning, blood poured out.

Robert woke up and walked to his bathroom. When he turned on the faucet, his bath started filling with dark scarlet liquid. He looked at himself in the broken mirror and smiled.

What a wonderful day, he thought. Fresh virgin blood in my bath, zombie infestation is under control, demons gave me another lease on my soul. And today I will close the binding oath with the legions of terror to doom a few more universes for destruction. He felt so confident that he was sure that today nothing could go wrong.

As he rode his skeletal horse to his job, he was quietly humming The Imperial March. He entered the Volcano of Dread where his Council of Evil was residing. Instantly he realized something was wrong.

"Sir, we have an emergency! The amount of evil in the universe #136004267 is plummeting! The last time we checked up on it was centuries ago, humans were in dark ages, worshiping demons and burning witches, all as on schedule, but now everything is out of control! They are constantly curing diseases, they have invented the internet where they share cute cat pictures. They have a tv show about purple ponies and friendship! Purple ponies, for Cthulhu sake!"

"Oh, crap, how could you miss this? What will the Dark Lord think of our incompetence!? Can we at least send some Vile Priests to revive some mysticism and dark rituals?"

"No, it's too late, they have wikipedia now, nobody will take them seriously!"

"Racism?"

"They've been through that, it won't work."

"Can we send some zombies?"

"They know how to fight them. They are watching zombie movies for fun!"

"Oh, maan, I'm so gonna get fired...."

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Funny take on the perspective. Looking forward to more.