The Invention of Dr. Einheart


"So... drugs" Pilfrey said.

"No, no, my good man. Substances that will allow for some exciting ESP!" I corrected.

"So... drugs" he said again.

"Well, I suppose you could call them drugs" I said with a sigh.

"Pretty sure that's illegal"

"Oh, Pilfrey! Why must you always go and sour the mood? Can't you see I'm trying to do something amazing here?"

"Yeah... amazingly stupid."

"Now that is just insulting. When have I ever done something without first putting a great deal of thought into it, hmmm?"

"Oh, yes, right! Forgive me, I forgot about all those drug-fueled brainstorming sessions. I am truly sorry I ever doubted you."

"Pilfrey, your sarcasm is not appreciated."

"Well I don't think you're appreciating the gravity of this situation. What if the authorities found out about this?"

"They won't. Ah-ha! it's finally ready."

"Oh joy... Well, at least this ought to be interesting."

"I will now commence testing of Agent 4.02. Administering agent now..."

"Let me know if your heart stops, I'll be sure to call somebody."

"So glad I can count on-- Woah..."

"What, it kicked in already? You see any ghouls?"

"No... No ghouls. I'm definitely getting something though... Pilfrey!"

"What! what, did your heart stop?"

"No, I just can't believe you."

"Can't... what?"

"Honestly, Pilfrey. Thinking about getting food at a time like this."

"Well I'm hungry... Hey, wait a second. I didn't... Wait, don't tell me..."

"Yes, Pilfrey! I am at this moment reading your mind."

"But that's-- How? No! That isn't possible."

"Oh, but isn't it? You just thought of Dr. Schubert's work on extrasensory perception, which has clearly been proven false here."

"That-- That was just an educated guess!"

"Oh, and I suppose knowing that you were thinking of food earlier, and are currently thinking about... Well, you just switched from thinking I'm insane to that I might actually be reading your mind. Now you're thinking about toothpaste. Toothpaste, Pilfrey? Of all the things..."

"This-- This can't be happening! But if... if this is for real--"

"I can assure you it's real, Pilfrey."

"If this is real... Then, well, the applications are limitless! Think of what this could mean for--"

"Society, technology, communication. Pilfrey, have I not made it clear that I'm reading your mind?"

"Yes, yes, of course... Dr., it's just--"

"Yes, I know, Pilfrey. I was right and have finally discovered something of great use. Thank you for the acknowledgement."

"Congratulations, Dr. Einheart, you will be forever remembered as the man who unlocked the human brain" he said with a genuine smile.

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